So are you one of those people who’s downright sick of hearing about the (in)famous Superbowl? This is the time of year where those peculiar people called “Non Sports Fans” sit around their house, wearily looking for something, ANYTHING to do that doesn’t involve touch downs or pre game shows. Many of us watch anyway, if only to anticipate those witty, often groundbreaking commercial breaks. Still, you don’t have to watch the Superbowl to do that (thanks, Internet!).
Even if you catch this Blog entry a little late, you’re probably STILL hearing about the oh-so-big game Monday morning! For those who do not appreciate such things, what to do, what to do?
Well I know what I’ll be doing! While others will be watching the Pittsburgh Steelers and the Arizona Cardinals in 2009, I’ll be cheering on Huxley and Darwin, circa 1932.
What the heck am I talking about? I’m talking about that classic comedy, that witty and anarchic take on the game of football and collegiate life, the Marx Brothers film, Horse Feathers.
By 1932, the brothers had already reeked their havoc on hotel lobbies, high society parties and one steamship. It is clear to me that by 1931’s Monkey Business (that’s the one with the steamship), the writers were starting to approach the creation of the Marx Brothers’ films on the basis of, “Gee, I wonder what would happen if they were on a boat!” In the same way, I can easily imagine the next set of writers speculating, “Now I wonder, what would happen if the Marx Brothers went to college?!” Thus Horse Feathers was born.
Horse Feathers isn’t the most well known of the Marx Brothers’ films, though it is among the five Paramount projects generally considered to be the brothers’ best. There’s the familiar set up; Groucho Marx is conning high society again, this time taking on the role of Professor Quincy Adams Wagstaff, the new Head of Huxley College. True to form, even in disguse he can’t quite help himself: “Well I thought my razor was dull until I heard his speech! And that reminds me of a story that’s so dirty I’m ashamed to think of it myself!”
Professor Wagstaff finds he’s running a college that hasn’t won a football game since 1888 (Wow…don’t you feel young?!). His son, a student at Huxley (played by Zeppo “Thankless Role” Marx), suggests he hire two professional football players for the upcoming big game.
Once again, Wagstaff can’t quite take his role of professor (or conman) seriously. Instead of hiring the two ringers and keeping up his deception as a competent college dean, he ends up hiring the slightly crooked Baravelli the Ice Man (played by the Italian Marx Brother, Chico Marx) and the altogether unhinged Pinky the Dog Catcher (surrounded by hungry dogs and angry policeman is of course, Harpo Marx).
Neither is likely to help win the big game. Huxley needs two big, brawny, not to mention skilled football players to succeed. The Marx Brothers are, in contrast, rather short and scrawny and useless in a fight (not to mention any organized event)! That is…if this was any other 1930’s football movie.
Let’s back up a bit. Turner Classic Movies has been kind enough to share with us a whole day of 1930s football films this weekend, in celebration of the Superbowl. It’s interesting, nowadays the football films we’re used to involve the underdog team that manages to come out on top in the end. But it seems 1930s football movies had summaries that read “Gangster turns straight after joining college football team” or “Gamblers kidnap Quarterback to stall the big game!”
How times have changed! But in any case, the heroes of such films seem to be your typical football player. Again, tough, burly, not too bright but knows his game. This description certainly fits the two ringers mentioned earlier in Horse Feathers, named Mullen and McCarty. But then again, this isn’t their movie! This is Marx Brothers’ territory. 
Towards the middle of Horse Feathers, Wagstaff sends Baravelli and the Dog Catcher on a mission to kidnap Mullen and McCarty, who are now playing for the other college team. We quickly discover our Marx boys are out of their league. Physically, they’re no match for the two broad shoulders ringers. And they’re so cluelessly confident in their own toughness that they end up getting kidnapped themselves (Not to mention stripped of their clothes! Don’t worry 1930’s audience, they’re wearing their Long Johns!). As Baravelli finally comprehends, “We come to kidnap them and they kidnap up! That’s-a fix-a fine we’re in!”
One can’t help but feel bad for Baravelli and the Dog Catcher at this point. They’re every little boy who’s picked last in the school yard. Bossy sports people triumph yet again. The only weapon the brothers’ really have is their unbreakable wit, not to mention their unbelievable gall. Most people would get embarrassed by being forcibly separated from their clothing! But Harpo turns it into a game, cheerfully tearing off his clothes before the ringers have a chance to do it first and cheekily adopting a mock modest pose. Chico’s expression isn’t quite one of embarrassment, but rather more of concern and shock. He really did think they had the upper hand until the very last second! His next thought seems to be protecting Harpo from taking on the football bullies again. He’s less worried about his own embarrassment and more concerned about his friend’s well being. The bullies may laugh, thinking they’ve won the day. But they haven’t, because the Marxes didn’t give into embarrassment or shame. They threw it all back in the bullies’ faces with humor and camaraderie.
That same clueless confidence that got Baravelli and the Dog Catcher kidnapped in the first place is also how they ultimately saw their way to freedom. No that’s not a grammar error, they literally use saws to cut through the floor of their prison, nevermind it’s the very floor they’re sitting on!
This isn’t typical mindless slapstick humor. It’s not watching them inevitably crash to the first floor that’s funny. It’s the fact that they don’t seem to care. Plus the fact that they managed to crash into a lady’s Bridge game (quite literally), prompting a deadpan Baravelli to casually comment, “Well partner, I guess we made a grand slam.” While other comedians get laughs by being in pain, the Marx Brothers get laughs by being above it all…that and witty puns.
The finale of the movie is, of course, the football game, if you could call it that. The Marx Brothers (as usual) prove anarchy is mightier than any touch down, scrimmage or huddle. Among the highlights are:
Ref: Why weren’t you in that last scrimmage?
Wagstaff: I’m sitting this one out…
Ref: What are you doing with that cigar in your mouth?
Wagstaff: Why, you know another way to smoke it?
Baravelli: Signal! Hey diddle diddle, the cat in the fiddle, this time I think we go up the middle!
Not to mention the classic moment where the pompous Ref informs the Dog Catcher he can only tackle the man who has the ball. Naturally, the Ref has the ball. And naturally, the Dog Catcher pins him down! Once again, it’s not the violence that’s particularly comical. It’s Harpo’s motivation, or lack their of. There’s nothing to gain by tackling the Ref and he knows it. But he feels like tackling someone, especially someone who’s just told him what he can’t do. That’s the essence of the Marx Brothers’ humor. Anarchy, because they feel like it. Especially when the haughty establishment pushes you around (But don’t try that at home, kids. This is the movies!).
Of course, (AND SPOILER HERE) it’s not entirely without motivation; Huxley does end up winning the game thanks to our unlikely heroes. I won’t go into too much more; I still want you to watch this film, hehe. Just a suggestion for anyone who finds themselves bored this weekend or any other time. Both sports fans and non sports fans alike. I recommend the Marx Brothers, and Horse Feathers. 
